Feelings aren't worth a dime
by spnhoney
Summary: ok so, a very confused about his feelings Castiel some how ends up in a love triangle, luckily he has his therapist to help him with his troubles :)
1. Chapter 1

_Megstiel / Destiel love triangle _

"death is only the beginning Castiel, life is the end"  
"but that doesn't make any sense, death comes after life"  
"how do you know? you haven't died yet."

chapter 1

I hate the colour pink, its suppose to be girly but was originally a male colour, facts don't ever seem to be true anymore, our everyday knowledge is twisted and turned to become something completely different. LOL was once lots of love, now its laugh out loud, how does a leap so big even begin?

"what are you thinking about?" the woman's voice opposite to me sounded strangely worried, but her facial features told another story, she's intrigued by something but shes looking at me, me, she's intrigued by me? but what had I done, I recollect my memory's, thinking of what had been happening moments before pink interrupted my mind. she had asked me a question but it had been wiped from my brain.

"excuse me, you asked what question again?" I leaned slightly forward to fake interest in my body language

"I asked what you were thinking"

"no"

"yes"

"before that!" I should work on my patients, maybe then my voice wouldn't of broken in anger as I tried to explain what I meant, it wasn't this strange woman's fault, I hadn't explained myself very well in the first place and those were the last words she had spoken, so of course her short term memory would move back to them. but my slight out burst didn't faze her, she still remained on her seat perfectly calm, pen in hand, paper leaning on crossed leg.

"I asked you what your thoughts were on your progress" her voice was its usual calm self as she tried to calm my self down, it probably wouldn't of worked if I wasn't already calm.

"isn't that your job?"

"yes but the patients thoughts are always considered"

"you know very well I don't want to be here" my brothers, Michael and Lucifer had been fighting about my mind for years, Michael thinking I need help just because I rather be by my self and use my imagination to get away from my normal boring life while Lucifer figures its just a stage ill get over and one day make friends. Michael had trusted Lucifer at first , thinking it was from my lack of friends that I would keep myself locked up in my room while I was home (which is when I'm not at the library or school), so he tried making friends for me but when Lucifer found out they just fought again, at this point I stopped caring what they thought or did for me, it would always end in yelling. my new depression made them fight even more, forcing them to pull a therapist into the story.

"yes, but do, do you feel-"

"no," I cut her off, if the sentence had that word in it I would know the answer to be no, "I don't feel"

"pain?" she finished her sentence after letting me speak

"pain Is a feeling" I informed her as my eyes wondered the room, it was a pink room with white furniture except the blue chairs we sat in, standing out from everything else as they sat in the middle of the room facing each other. my eyes finaly landed on the carpet, its grey with no real see able pattern but if you look long enough you can see things, in a way its like those famous paintings, where the artist has just splattered different colours of paint all over the canvas in different directions to create some sort of elution, forcing you to use your own imagination, I should really go to an art gallery or museum again, I haven't been to one since I was ten, nine years ago. as I began to plan my trip the strange woman intruded.

"what were you thinking about?"

"must you keep asking that question?"

"yes"

I finally made it out of the pink room after two hours and $400 later to find Michael late picking me up again, I stood out side a small, family run company called 'helping you helps us' of course it helps you! you help the crazy, they pay you! such a stupid name for the type of business they run. after five minutes of waiting for Michael my patients grew thin and my legs began to twitch, trying to find comfort on the hard, cold wall I leaned on but it was useless, they truly wanted to lie down and go numb with sleep in a warm bed away from the winter weather.

I let my eyes wonder around the scenery, as they do when I'm bored. a hairdresser and beauty saloon stood to the right of me and a bar on the left, after that a gas station and a vet. on the other side of the road was an auto shop and a diner. all the buildings were small with stupid names, it was only a little drive through town just out side of Laurence, Michael thought it best to bring me out here so no one we knew or who could recognise us would see us. wouldn't want the family name looked down upon.

my boredom hit hard after ten more minutes, and shortly after I found myself walking towards the small diner across the street. it was more of a shack than a diner but as long as they sold warm burgers I couldn't care less.

I cringed at the sound the door made when I opened it, taking two small steps inside with my hand still on the door I wondered if it was even opened or still occupied.

"hello? is anyone here?" I took a step back opening the door wider to let some sun into the dark room, trying to get a better look into the blackness of the dark "are you opened?"

the lights all came on when a voice yelled out in reply "we are now!" showing a room full of tables and chairs with a small counter at the back leading into the kitchen. I let the door go from my grip as I walked across the room towards the lady behind the counter who had replied, "names Joe, what can I do for ya?" she beamed with happiness as she continued to turn appliances on.

"do you sell burgers?" I didn't bother smiling back to her, why fake it to a stranger?

"yes we do" Joe handed me a menu which seemed to appear out of no where, her smile not fading

I skimmed over the list of burgers until I found what I was looking for with a little yelp of happiness "could I please have a cheese burger with a side of sausage?"

"of course, that will be with you in a moment" she didn't write it down or anything, just skipped off into the door behind her which I guessed lead to the kitchen.

I turned around on my heels in search of a chair, seeing how there were no stools at the counter. I settled in a two seated table at the back of the diner in the far corner. I like corners, there out of the way and away from attention.

I wondered about Michael while waiting for the food, trying to figure out why he was so late, maybe he forgot about his youngest bother, maybe he was dead. I vaguely began to remember him saying something about me finding my own way home when the front entrance door slammed open, making me jump half way off my chair.

a young man with short brown hair, in an old worn leather jacket and jeans walked in with his arms opened wide, "Joe!" his smile widened as his hazel eyes fell on the women behind the counter "bar opened yet?"

"no, I've told you a million times dean! eight." she spoke harsh but with a playful smile

the man who still stood in the door way growled in disappointment, "fine, ill get some pie then" joe simply nodded her head in agreement and went to fetch the ordered food. dean walked further into the building, eyes scanning the room before landing on me, "hey!" he walked over quite fast, hips a sway. "do you mind if I sit with you? there's kinda no one else here now, maybe zombies have finally taken over and eaten everyone's brains" he smirked at his joke, thinking himself funny.

he didn't wait for me to reply before sitting down in the seat opposite to me, his back on the rest of the room but I shrugged in reply anyway with a small mumble of 'i guess'.

I began to go back to trying to remember what Michael had said about me getting myself home, why couldn't he just pick me up? what was he doing? is there even a bus out of this town? but again my thoughts where disturbed but the stranger, "I'm dean" he held out his hand with a smile.

"Castiel" I shook the hand shortly and gently, deans grip was strong and warm, it felt as though my hand belonged if that even makes sense, maybe I should ask my therapist.

"interesting name, parents religious?" dean placed his hands in his lap as he leaned on the small table awkwardly, shielding him self from the cold.

His knowledge of religion surprised me at first, normally people don't know where my name is from and I have to explain how im named after an angel but then I figured he was just a bible thumper, "are you?"

dean laughed slightly as he shook his head, "na, I'm no bible thumper, just know a little about a lot of things, I read it some where, probably in one of my bosses books he's real into mythology and stuff like that" dean seemed to brighten up even more, if it were possible, at the topic of his boss.

"you are close with your boss?" my question was more of a statement but dean still nodded in agreement.

"yeah, after my dad died he kind of took us in" the smile faded from his face and he averted his gaze downwards into his lap, I tried to remember what my therapist had said about others feelings, about how I should care about them but every part of me was telling me to just walk away, out of the diner to never see this stranger again, the stranger who now looked like he was going to cry. oh shit.

his pained expresion made my heart drop for some strange reason, forcing me to stay, try turn his mood around, I was the one who had brought it down in the first place. "us?"

"yeah, I have a brother, his name is Sam" the thought of his brother seemed to make him a little happier, maybe i'm not so bad with other people after all?

"I have siblings"

after a moments silence dean coughed once and I noticed I was fiddling with my coat in my lap with my head scooped low, my eyes shot up to see him waiting expectantly, "is that all your gonna give me?"

I guess im not as good as I thought. I told dean about my siblings, Gabriel the family trickster, Michael the oldest, Lucifer the rebel and anna the youngest who is only three, we ate our food rather slowly and soon the sun had fallen to be replaced by a full shinning moon, once the bar opened up , dean automatically offered me a beer which I for some reason felt flattered by and blushed slightly as he handed me the full glass, no one cared that I'm underage just kept serving. on the bar stools we continued out conversation on classical cars, dean telling me all about his car he inherited from his father, a 1967 Chevrolet impala.

the night was still young and the bar was only just starting to fill up.

"tell you what," dean half slurred in my ear, his breath lingering of beer, "I bet I could pick up any one of these girls!"

"girls?" I mumbled mostly to my self feeling slightly pained at the thought of dean being with someone else which was stupid, so I pushed it away, out of my thoughts.

when I looked at dean he had an eye brow cocked in suspicion, "yes castiel, girls, the creatures of opposite sex to us male" oh shit, he heard me.

"girls are easy! guys are the trick" I spoke jokingly, trying to sound cocky and without a care in the world. it worked.

dean relaxed and faced the now crowded bar that was a diner. during the day its a small, quite diner but after 8pm the fun lights get turned on and the partay begins.

"na, I'm no fag, I'm gonna pick up a girl" with that dean pushed of the bench and walked towards the closest group of girls.

fag? is that what he thinks of the homosexual? why do I care? my thoughts lingered around for a little bit before I disided to leave, for some reason my heart had sunk to my stomach and I could feel tears forming behind my eyes. alcohol! that's the secret to feeling!

I stumbled out the door and into the fresh air, happy to be able to breathe properly again, I started for the street, not really knowing how I was going to get home or how to even get there. everything went black for a second and I began to sway, when my vision came back I was lying on the street in someones lap.

"oh my god, are you ok?" a heavenly voice asked as my eyes slowly opened, "do you want me to call an ambulance?" she sounded worried, a little panicked.

"no" i coughed out in to her lap. after realising my position properly I sat up fast, but the pain in my head shot me, forcing me to fall back down, the worried lady yelped in pain at my sudden fall on her leg, "sorry" my voice was back to its normal huskiness but my whole right side ached in pain as I experimentally wriggled.

"yeah, sure, whatever, but I think I should can an ambulance, if not for you then at least for me seeing how my leg is now broken" she pushed me off, onto the hard, cold road as she grumbled in pain and fell back onto her back.

I groaned in pain as she did, both of us spread out in the middle of the road.

"do you have a car?"

"yeah"

"can you drive it?"

"yes?"

"can you take me home?"

I know its inappropriate but I have no other way of getting home and I figured she would give me pity seeing how she was trying to help me when I fell over and seemed worried about my well being.

"no"

"why not?" I sat up slowly this time, making sure the pain wouldn't come back and turned towards the woman.

"im not in the mood for sex anymore" she stated plainly, now also sitting up and facing me, now that I could see her face better I could see how beautiful she really is, her long brown hair was curled and a little bit of a mess but it still looked so perfect.

"I do not wish to sleep with you, I just don't have a way of getting home" she looked as though she was contemplating, "my name is Castiel, I have never killed another person in my life, I am nineteen years old and in town visiting the therapist because my brothers cant explain my personality, they think I'm crazy" I didn't completely understand why I had told her about the therapist but I couldn't shut my mouth, "also, I've never had sex and don't really plan on doing it with just anyone" the end bit was added on against my will.

"my name is meg, im also nineteen but I cant say the same for the other things" meg stood up and helped me up with a hand, pointing to her right, "my cars that way, if you still want a ride Clarence"

I stood silent for a while thinking over what she had said, so shes taken anothers life? probably an accident, shes had sex, of course, im probably the eldest virgin in the world but Clarence? why is every one feeling the need to give me nicknames today? is castiel really that complicated?

I nodded and stumbled after her as she led me to her car, my legs feeling like jelly.

"thankyou"


	2. first kiss

_Megstiel / Destiel love triangle_

"thankyou" her voice was small and slightly joyful as she pushed a string or hair behind her ear, showing off her lightly blushed cheeks.

the memory of my last meeting with meg lingered in my mind. "she said thankyou when I excepted her invitation to drive me home." I was back at my therapist a week after the last time I had been here, a week after meeting meg and dean but this time im happy to be here, I need someone to talk to. "I was to drunk to ask her why" I finished, dropping my gaze to my hands.

"drunk?"

"um... not drunk... um... just..." dam! I had forgotten about my being under age.

"your lucky I cant share what you tell me" she raised an eye brow with a small smile, "ok so this meg girl, she must have been happy you didn't mind driving with her, maybe that's a rare virtue in her life, to have someone not care who she is or whats shes done in the past, maybe shes made some mistakes and a lot of people don't like her for them or maybe you don't remember all of what happened and you gave her a compliment or," she paused as if to chose her next words, "maybe im wrong on both thoughts"

"well that's not very good help" I sighed

"im not here to help you remember your drunken nights" she reminded me kindly

"no, you want to talk about my _feelings" _I rolled my eyes and sighed again, sinking into my seat stubbornly.

"yes, exactly, so how about we talk about how she made you feel?" the lady looked as though she thought we were finally getting somewhere.

"meg made me feel safe, she got me of the street and took me home, im thankful," I thought about her face and her hair for a moment trying to think about what I felt at the time but I was drunk so I concluded with "I should thank her"

"ok then so nothing out of the ordinary with meg?" she asked just to finalise the topic, I shook my head and she scribbled something down on her note pad, "what about dean?" I forgot I mentioned dean.

"dean is funny. fun. he makes me feel..." I drifted off into thought, not sure how my feelings were around him, then a small memory of him saying _fag_ hit me in my stomach, "jealous"

I was waiting out side again, in the cold, but today Lucifer was suppose to be picking me up, he had also said I could drive to finish the last hours of my L licence.

"hey! Castiel!" a woman's voice called from behind me. making me jump.

at first I thought it was my therapist coming to keep me company like she did some times but when I turned and looked inside meg was right in front of me in my 'personaly space', normally I was the one to get yelled at for popping others bubbles here she was. I didn't mind though, she smells nice.  
"hello meg" I smiled because its the polite thing to do

"I'm glad your still alive" she beamed with happiness, a sparkle in her eye shining not like it had the night we met.

"why wouldn't I be?" I tilted my head in confusion, this act made meg giggle.

"well, with the way you seem to have an act for collapsing in the middle of the street, I figured a car had hit you." her smile didn't falter while she spoke, it seem to grow if that were possible.

I straightened up before talking again, "that was only once."

"sure Clarence" she smirked disbelievingly, "I saved your life, I should be given a medal!" she joked brightly, at least I hoped she was joking.

"yes, maybe I could get one made for you, but until then would my thanks be enough to sustain your knighthood?" I smiled slightly but not to much.

"no" she took a step closer to me. I could feel her breath on my chin as she looked up to me, she stood up on her tip toes so we were closer to being eye to eye but I still looked down to her.

she placed her lips to mine softly and shortly, being very delicate with the movement of her lips on mine. I had never been kissed by anyone before, not even family and when she pulled away she looked disappointed and I realised I hadn't kissed back. I grabbed her waist with my right hand and swung her around to push her against the cold wall I had been leaning on earlier, mimicking the acts of a man in a porno I had watched once. with my left hand behind her head I pulled her face back to mine and smashed our lips together, I messaged my fingers in her hair, messing it up. the kiss was passionate and full of lust, but I pulled away before I could lose control of my self.

"wow Clarence. what was that?" megs lips were swollen from the kiss and her lipstick was a mess, I wondered shortly if I had any of it on my lips. her eyes were slightly shocked but still she smiled, she seemed proud.

"I learnt that from the pizza man"

meg just smirked at my answer and then giggled slightly, opening her mouth to say something before a car horn sounded from the park behind her. Lucifer was here. I smiled at him and waved about to head over before meg stopped me with her hand, "Sunday, 8pm, ill pick you up, were having dinner, I want to know what else that pizza man taught you" her grin was devilish and all I could do was nod. I had enjoyed the kiss to do more of it wouldn't hurt.

"see you Sunday" I smiled fully this time, showing off my teeth even, before hoping into the passenger side of lucifers jeep sports wrangler.

"didn't you want to drive?" Lucifer asked confused from the drivers seat

"not anymore" I don't think I would be able to concentrate, but I didn't tell Lucifer that.

"is that lipstick?" he sounded slightly smug but he was much more shocked.

"shuddup" I blushed and hid my face by looking out the window.


	3. thinking of castiel

Dean practically ran out the door when bobby said he could have a break, he had been cooped up in that damn garage all day.

the fresh air on his skin was heavenly, it was like he could suddenly breath after being trapped in hell for months, even though dean loves his job with bobby it can get a bit much sometimes and on busy days like today a break was something rare.

Dean sat under his tree, he had marked it as his own along time ago, it isn't anything special just a weeping tree to keep him shade but if he sees any one under it he will come up and physically kick them out, even if he doesn't plan on sitting down, no one else can sit here, with the exception of Sammy of course but even he knows better than to not ask first.

as Dean got out his home made sandwich he looked around at his surroundings, nothing out of the ordinary but someone across the street caught his eye, it was that strange kid Castiel from last week, he was out side the therapist, 'figures id make friends with a crack pot' dean thought to him self with a huff.

he had planned on going over to say hi and ask why he had ran out last week but someone else beat him to the punch, Castiel was suddenly kissing meg, the town slut.

Deans mouth dropped open, he didn't think the shy kid had it in him, even though meg was a pretty easy pick up he never figured she would be cas' type.

seeing them together made dean slightly sad and even a bit jealous but that was stupid, Deans no fag, he likes women, sleeps with at least three of them a week, but something about this Castiel kid confused his ideas on the subject. there's nothing wrong with experiments' Deans thought pattern was cut off by bobby yelling for help, which Dean mentally thanked, he didn't want to go that path. as straight as a pole.

Dean replayed that sentence in his head more than 100 times that day, like a broken record, he would find himself mumbling it sometimes before looking around to make sure no one heard him.

"ok I get it!" Bobby yelled from under a car "your as straight as a pole, but seriously! if you need to keep saying it are you sure its true?"

Dean dropped the tyre he had been taking off a car and all its nuts when Bobby spoke, he hadn't realised he had said it out loud again.

"of course I'm straight bobby!" Dean yelled back, moving the tyre out of the way and all the nuts so he could reach the brake, "as straight as a pole" Dean mumbled the last part under his breath, more so to convince himself.

"whatever ya idjet, just change that rodor already! its taken you ten minutes to get the bloody tyre off!" even though Bobby was in boss mode, Dean could never really take him to seriously, its not like bobby would ever fire him.

"sir yes sir" Dean smirked, beginning to unscrew the brake off.

***

Meg smiled blissfully to her self in complete awe before the moment was ruined by her stupid therapist, a small, weird looking guy called Garth.

"do you think that's a good idea missy?" she could hear the smile in his voice, why he was always smiling she would never know.

"and why wouldn't it be?" Meg tried to snap at him but she was still coming down from her high so it came out in more of a sing-song tone.

"your still learning how to control your sexual needs and your both learning here" by learning of course he meant being told how to act.

"and what is he learning?" Meg had never thought to ask why he was here, nor he her.

"miss masters, you know the rules, patient confidentiality is important and even if I could share that information with you, I'm not his therapist so I don't know." his smile never left his face.

"I think your to happy all the time" meg grumbled before walking away.

Castiel felt right to meg, he didn't know about her past and his cute innocence made Meg smile, his lack of know how on the subject of kissing was shocking, at first Meg had though he just didn't want to kiss back but then when she pulled away he looked as though he had enjoyed it and thank god for who ever the pizza man is!

Meg smiled to herself while thinking about the memory, she most defiantly has a good feeling about this Castiel guy

_ok so this isn't written in first person cause I think ill only write like that from Castiels point of view :)  
also! I would love a review or 2 from readers to hear what you think, I'm not a fantastic writer I know that and I wouldn't mind reading what you think my faults are :D  
THANK YOU FOR READING! xoxox0_


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